She recently launched a new project, a YouTube show called Arlene is Alone: The Single Life, where she speaks to friends and experts about exactly what you are asking for, Zoe: how to turn the dominant societal imperative – that one needs to be coupled up to be happy – on its head. She spoke to Zoomerist about the show, and to offer some pearls of wisdom about cherishing the single life. 

 “It’s time we start empowering single people, and normalizing it,” says Dickinson. And she has a point. Approximately 30 per cent of people over the age of 50 are single. So this is the significant – and not often discussed – attitude change Dickinson is addressing. The idea of only socializing as part of a matched pair is outmoded. “Times have changed. You don’t need man-woman, man-woman dinner parties,” she says. “Throw your own party, and then you can be in control of the seating plan.” In other words, change the norms, starting in your own home.

Dickinson explains she has been on both sides, married twice, with four kids, and she has now been single (occasionally dating) for 15 years. “Taping this series has been like a workshop for me,” she says. 

During the pandemic, when she was on her own, Dickinson began exploring content on the theme of thriving as a single person. “I’m so open and ready to discuss what it means to be single, and why,” she says. “After 35 years of relationships, I was ready to find myself. It’s hard to be alone and face yourself when society expects you to be coupled off.” Breaking the stigma, and your own reticence about existing in the world and saying I am enough by myself, is a big leap. “Start by enjoying the now. Not by looking for something to make you happy.”

True to her businesswoman reputation, Dickinson feels the first step is to get your finances in order. That gives you options and security, and those things bring confidence. “If you’re single, you don’t have someone built-in to talk to about investing. Get yourself a professional financial consultant to give you a sense of what you can do with your life.”

Next, you have to leave the house. “Find the courage to go to a restaurant alone,” she advises. In the first episode of Arlene is Alone, Dickinson discusses what her daughter’s generation calls solo dates: “I didn’t know that existed! Take a book to a bar and read it, or meet people, or listen to music. If you get stuck in your home, you make your world smaller, rather than bigger.” Get used to being one person in a crowd. Move into an uncomfortable zone, even if the first time is just for a few minutes. The courage is about leaving the house, because socializing is exercising muscle memory. 

The next step is travelling on your own. “I travel with my family, but I go off on my own, too. Spas are great, because there is a ritual of treatments and organized social events.” But the most interesting new habit Dickinson swears by is adding time on to the beginning and the end of business trips to explore independently. “I take that time for myself. For so many years in relationships, and as a mother, I used to just go on trips and rush home.”

Snuggling with someone is great, but getting a great sleep feels more important these days. “If you aren’t sleeping with anyone overnight, you don’t have to worry when you get up to pee three times!” she says. Joking aside, the real quest, and the real benefit, “is getting to understand who you are, and be good with who you are – not reflected in someone else’s eyes.” There is a terrific freedom that comes with age. “You learn your own self-worth.You stop having to be a people pleaser. I have the ability to make decisions and choices that reflect what I want and need; it’s freeing, it’s empowering.” 

Dickinson says now is the time to make your world bigger, rather than smaller. Her new motto in life is “Why not?” Time is precious. “At this age, you start to think about how many summers and how many trips you have ahead. Savour it,” she says. “These thoughts really push me to do things I wouldn’t normally do.” Part of “why not” means still saying yes to dates. She does go out, but she keeps her attitude neutral. “Put your cards on the table early,” is her advice. “Say you are not actively looking, that you are happy on your own. But also, don’t completely close the door, because hey, you never know! Treat it like a friendship, because all the best relationships come out of friendships!” But the main message Dickinson wants to send out is that it pays to be your own best friend.

Always asking questions,

—Leanne Delap