Language is an important part of the ways in which people are held back. Language is also in a constant state of flux. But harmful labels for older demographics have not evolved at the same pace as other social justice battlefields. “Ageism is the final frontier for hurtful language,” says Renzetti. “We have become kinder and more thoughtful with language that describes other groups – which is long overdue! And yet, we can still say ‘I’m having a senior moment’ or call someone a ‘little old lady.’ Where would the birthday-card market be if they couldn’t put ‘old fart’ on their cards!”
Renzetti’s most important piece of advice is that we hear ourselves first. “I’ve been schooled by a good friend to not diminish myself in the eyes of young colleagues,” she says. “No calling myself a dinosaur, or worrying about senility.”
It’s true that the urge is strong, especially for women who have to unlearn decades of self-deprecatory tendencies, to make fun of ourselves before someone does it to us. So, start small, and police the way you talk about yourself. Consider this, when Renzetti wrote about Cher for a recent Zoomer cover story, Cher – a woman no one would ever dare call “old” or “senior” – said she prefers the sobriquet “glamorous bitch.”
Sex and gender have always been attached to pejoratives used against women – in different ways and at different times of their lives. When we are young, all the curse labels are sexual in nature. Think of the classics: “slut” or “whore” or “tramp.” Young women are demeaned by the implication we have been promiscuous. Later on, the labels are best summarized by “old hag,” as in someone no longer attractive enough to have sex with.
The subject of words to use about and around aging is of particular resonance for writers at Zoomer. There are only so many ways to say things after all, and you gotta switch things up. I have of late leaned into “of a certain age,” and Sheryl’s letter made me want to look more deeply into the origins of that phrase.
The answer comes from an esteemed late squire of wordsmithery William Safire, who wrote in The New York Times in 1995 that the phrase was first used in 1754 in something called Connoisseur Magazine: “I could not help but wishing that some middle term was invented between Miss and Mrs., to be adopted at a certain age, by all females not inclined to matrimony.”
Safire then cites the most famous use of the phrase, by Lord Byron, in 1817: “She was not old, nor young, nor at the years/Which certain people call a certain age,/Which yet the most uncertain age appears.” This makes me think of another dear friend, an emergency room doctor made wise by the extremes of human experience, whose pronouncement I think of all the time: “Most people don’t call themselves middle-aged until they are pretty much past middle age.”
Let’s all agree to get rid of universally demeaning words. Dr. Scott Kaiser, the Director of Geriatric Cognitive Health at the Pacific Neuroscience Institute in Malibu, Calif.has written some snappy observations on this subject. Telling someone they are attractive “for their age” is at the top of his don’ts list. He also concludes that “older adults” and “seniors” (sorry, Sheryl) are preferable to “elderly,” which is a word without sunshine.
So what it comes down to, Sheryl, is use what you like. Personally,sassy sage sounds pretty fabulous to me. Throwing the mic back to Renzetti, she points out that young women are reclaiming words like “slut” and “bitch.” “I’m a huge fan of co-opting insults and turning them into compliments,” says Renzetti. “I call myself an ‘old broad’ not as a way of diminishing myself, but as a way of placing myself in the line of great old broads like Bea Arthur, Lauren Bacall and the Edies of Grey Gardens. ‘Old’ is only an insult if we fear aging. With so much to look forward to, why should we?”
Always asking questions,
—Leanne Delap
