Is it just me? Excited as I am to resume my pre-pandemic social life, I can’t seem to keep it straight. I am either double-booking, forgetting to RSVP, or saying yes and forgetting to go. The few occasions where I managed to show up have left me exhausted. The internet is full of articles about social awkwardness and anxiety after COVID-19. Could that apply to me?
It’s not as though I am emerging from partial social isolation. I have felt very fortunate to have gone into work every day — with a very small team through the worst of it — and there are more staffers in the office now. I have played doubles tennis, seen friends in small groups, eaten in restaurants and attended a couple of shows, when they were allowed. But the big reopening now underway seems a bit overwhelming.
“I think a lot of people are experiencing unexpected feelings,” Dr. Franklin Schneier, co-director of the Anxiety Disorders Clinic at the New York State Psychiatric Institute, told the online journal Healthline. “Even people who aren’t particularly socially anxious may feel a bit awkward jumping back into activities that were previously comfortable for them.”
To hug or not to hug: What’s the right way to greet people you haven’t seen since that was a no-brainer? Who makes the first move? And what about people you meet in person for the first time after dozens of Zoom and phone calls? I was pleasantly surprised by a hug from Dr. Peter Jüni, the former director of the Ontario COVID-19 Science Advisory Table. It was at a reception to say goodbye to him, held in a courtyard filled with the doctors who have been at the forefront of public information throughout the pandemic. I have talked to them on air many times, but this felt very different. I used to attend events like this often – it’s really nice to have personal conversations and get to know people who are business contacts. I stayed for an hour and arrived home by 7 p.m., feeling completely drained.
Next, there was a summer solstice party I was really looking forward to at a swank hotel that has put on similar events over the years. The challenge: There was no “plus one” on the invitation. Normally, that wouldn’t faze me. I would expect to know lots of other guests. After chatting with the two people I recognized, and introducing myself to the artist whose work was being shown, I thanked my hosts. I had lasted just over half an hour.
I talked to my friend Connie as she was preparing for the tech industry’s Collision Conference — the largest in-person event in Toronto since COVID. She runs an executive skills coaching program for people in the tech sector, and most of her students have been in their basements for two years. “I told them interacting is like using a muscle,” she said. “And I told them they will probably have to take time outs and find quiet places to be by themselves.” Connie had to work up to it, herself. “Sometimes I forget to talk to people,” she confided.
Some people can’t stop talking. My husband seems to attract buddies who bend his ear with lengthy one-way conversations he can’t get away from. When I check in with some friends who live alone, the response to “how are you?” is often a monologue. I could walk away and do something else and they would not notice. It even happens on air sometimes with my panels. People who have been on their own too much can miss the cue that it is time to let the other person talk.
Connie’s muscle analogy is very apt. I probably should be easing into my new social calendar like building up to a new workout. The good news is online psychotherapists assure us that, for most people, social skills will return quickly. But once this problem is solved, there may be another on the horizon. I already see signs of FOMO: Fear of Missing Out. It’s an anxiety for extroverts only; and after two years of knowing there was nothing to miss out on, it’s a nice problem to have.
Libby Znaimer (libby@zoomer.ca) is VP of news on AM740 and Classical 96.3 FM (ZoomerMedia properties).
A version this article appeared in the August/September 2022 issue with the headline ‘The Anxiety of Re-Entry’, p. 36.
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